"Don't suffer in silence"
A WOMAN who spent the early part of her life in Edzell has told victims of child sex abuse "not to suffer in silence" after her stepfather was sentenced to 45 months in jail at the High Court in Glasgow last week.
Charles Barclay (65), from Edzell, was sentenced by Lord Kinclaven after admitting sexually abusing a girl while she was aged between ten and 13 at various locations in Aberdeenshire and Angus.
The offences were committed between April 1971 and April 1974.
Barclay's plea of not guilty to raping the girl was accepted by the Crown.
He also admitted sexually abusing two other girls between April 1969 and April 1973. One girl was eight when the abuse started, and the other was 14.
One of the victims of the abuse was Barbara Lowcock, who moved to Edzell around 1970, her mother going on to marry Charles Barclay.
Barclay subsequently subjected Barbara, her half-sister and another child, known only as "Joyce", to a catalogue of sickening sexual abuse.
It has meant that Barbara, who now lives in Doncaster, has spent the majority of her life on anti-depressants and also has suffered from self-harm and suicidal tendencies.
Barbara said: "People would have known me in the village as Barbara Barclay. We left in 1974.
"My mother married Barclay, my own father having died when I was seven years of age. My own mother and father weren't together when my father passed away, but that in itself was a very traumatic experience for a child of seven years of age.
"The abuse more or less started straight away and one thing that has come out during the court appearances recently is that he had a previous conviction for indecent exposure. The abuse was a regular thing and occurred over between a five to six year period when I was aged between seven and 12 years of age.
"Like any young person you feel this is something that is normal and it's only as you get older and more aware of what life should really be like that you begin to realise that things like this are far from normal and shouldn't be happening at all.
"I eventually plucked up enough courage to tell my mother and he threatened me at that time. I became quite self-destructive and basically that was my way of dealing with it.
"I was never out of hospital at this time. The abuse affected my health to the point I was in and out of hospital like a yo-yo.
"There was a period where I was complaining about things that weren't really medical problems. However, perhaps at the back of my mind was the feeling that if I was in hospital there wasn't any abuse going on and the environment around me felt that bit more secure.
"When I protested about what had happened to me to Barclay he would reply that nobody would believe me and that it was a secret.
"The worst cases of abuse all took place in Edzell. Up until that point I had managed to cope, but then it started to get more invasive after that.
"When you are told by an adult that nobody will believe your story, you believe that yourself.
"There was an occasion where I used to dance around the house singing 'I have got a secret, I have got a secret'.
"It got to the stage where my mother grew so tired of hearing me going on about it she sat me down and asked me what the secret was.
"Of course, I told her and she in turn confronted him, only for him to belittle my accusations by saying that I had seen him walk around in his underpants. My mother asked him not to walk around like that and that was the end to it, but the reality was a lot different.
"I thought, even at that early stage, well she doesn't believe me. And while I don't blame my mother in any way, I think it's probably why I kept things to myself for so many years thereafter.
"I was 15 before I told my mother anything more and she and Barclay had been apart for two years prior to me talking to her.
"It came to light really because of my self-harming. I was bursting into tears at the slightest thing and eventually tried to kill myself.
"My mother obviously got to the end of her tether and sat me down and I poured everything out to her.
"She wanted to go to the police then and I said to her, had she done that at that time, I would kill myself. I felt like this up until three years ago. My teenage life was just horrendous and that followed on into adulthood.
"By that time my mother had split with Barclay and I had endured the torture for more than five years."
Barbara has only come to terms with what has happened to her recently and part of that process has involved counselling sessions which finally led to her plucking up enough courage to go to the police and notify them of her turmoil. But it wasn't only herself who had suffered.
"I was told by the counsellors that I must right a letter to him, but never, ever send it. That letter is about three pages long and contains some quite choice language.
"It certainly underlines how I felt at the time and it was only after reading the letter back and forward two or three times that I managed to pluck up enough courage to go to the police.
"I felt he was walking around thinking he had got away with this and I had spent 40 years and more under this cloud, not talking about it and suffering in silence.
"I wasn't the only one who suffered. My half-sister Rosemary Paul, who now lives in America, was also a victim. Another half-sister, whom we can only call Joyce, also suffered at his hands. He would take us to school and be subjected to his filth.
"Rosemary and Joyce also have been very supportive throughout. Rosemary would have been about 13 or 14 and Joyce about eight years of age.
"My husband and I have been together 25 years and I told him right from the start. He asked me why I didn't do something about it then? I simply didn't feel strong enough to go to the police at that time and tell them what had happened. I didn't need the hassle at the time.
"I first contacted the police in July 2007. I contacted my local force here in Doncaster and they put me on to Aberdeen.
"The force from Aberdeen came down, as did a lady from the procurator fiscal's office, and I can't praise them highly enough for the manner in which they have dealt with this.
"They have been very supportive and they also asked why I didn't come forward earlier. I told them what I had told my husband previously, about the fear of not being believed. Right away, after interviewing me they informed that they felt I was showing a great deal of bravery and that they did believe me.
"They have kept me in the loop the whole stretch of the way.
"I have turned myself around now, but closure will only come after sentencing. And I know I will have to move on from this. But the sight of him previously going into custody with handcuffs on was a pivotal moment for me.
"I wanted to speak out about this, because I can only imagine there will be other people out there who have never come forward and who have, like me, spent years suffering in silence.
"My advice to them is don't. It's never too late. Barclay thought he was going to enjoy retirement, his life will never be the same again.
"I urge people who have been through similar scenarios, do not suffer in silence. I did so for so long.
"I am fortunate to have such a supportive husband. He has said that he is so proud that I have eventually plucked up the courage to come forward and that I am already a different person, by unburdening myself with this load, which I have carried around since childhood.
"I now sleep without nightmares. Obviously the trial itself was a difficult time. He didn't admit anything until the morning of the trial.
"But it's never too late and I just wish I had done this when I was a lot younger. I feel I have a future now.
"I may never come off anti-depressants, but I am going for further counselling. I can see a way forward now and believe me that is progress after all that has gone on."
Barbara travelled with her husband from their home in Yorkshire on Tuesday to see Barclay sentenced.
She concluded: "It's the final chapter of a horrific tale."
Email to a friend
Print this page
Looking for...
Featured advertisers
Jobs
Search for a job
Motors
Search for a car
Property
Search for a house
Weather for Brechin
Friday 25 May 2012
Today
Sunny
Temperature: 10 C to 14 C
Wind Speed: 8 mph
Wind direction: East
Tomorrow
Sunny
Temperature: 8 C to 15 C
Wind Speed: 12 mph
Wind direction: East
