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Christmas should be a really peaceful time
EVERYTHING is working out a treat. The workshop I ran the other day was about planning a stress free Christmas. This is a subject very close to my heart, as for years I had planned a Christmas which unconsciously became stressful, bringing very little peace and joy, let alone goodwill into my home.
As with all good problems, and rivers, it's worth going back to the source to find out how things begin. If you do that you have got a good chance of untangling the knots.
I come from a huge family, with a father in particular, who was nuts about Christmas. He was late to have children, but once we were there, he could indulge his Christmas fantasies.
Every year the decorations went up with military precision. Each year had to be more impressive than the last. (I can't imagine what it would have been like if he'd been around for the era of modern lighting systems).
Each child was allocated a task, but the tasks were not fun. He had the fun. A child might get to hold the ladder, while he wobbled on the top hanging coloured balls from the ceiling. Another would be on "holding the thumb tacks duty", another would be on untangling lights, and checking for duff bulbs, and yet another would be untangling old lametta.
Woe betides anyone who opened the new packet while there was any possibility of using up some of last year's jumble. Personally I don't like lametta, but he thought Christmas wasn't on without it. He designed and made a crib with plaster of paris from the hospital. There was rock paper inside, and there he placed the traditional Holy Family. He believed it to be totally authentic and so did we. The "oohs and ahs" when it was all done makes me glow, right now, just to think of it.
Then my wonderful, uncomplaining mother would produce mince pies for everyone. He would sit at the piano and play carols, which we had to sing in two or three part harmony, we would say our prayers round the crib and go to bed very late. Hollywood had nothing on us.
The trouble starts when you try to recreate this in another home. My husband's experience was very different. His family often lived abroad. The family was much smaller, and I think it would be fair to say that their tradition was not quite so over the top as ours. Scrooge was not the hero, but excess was rather frowned upon.
Also, they often went to other people's houses, and we never did. Of course Andy's memories are just as happy as mine, but for years I believed that my way was the only way. For Christmas Planner read Secretive Control Freak. Let me tell you, this resulted in frustration and tears. And it had to stop. So one year I sat down with pen and paper and old magazines and plotted a pain free Christmas. I made a beautiful collage of how things should be for the pleasure and comfort of all. I wrote out a positive affirmation for my plan.
"I am enjoying a peaceful and joyful and smooth Christmas."
Then I took my hands off the steering wheel and allowed Christmas to happen rather than forcing the joy.
Boy oh boy was that a good idea. The family started to ask if they could help. They competed to do lights and decorations. Last Christmas they cooked the whole dinner which lasted about five hours. There were no cross words. I've stopped going OTT and everyone is infinitely happier. The tree went up last Friday with the minimum of fuss. The lights from last year were not tangled and still work, and there are no balls hanging from the ceiling.
I shared lots of this with the work shop participants. They all created their own collages and positive affirmations. One person said she thought that it captured her Christmas out from her head and onto paper. Then it all seemed easy after that. That made sense to me too.
So now I know where my stress about Christmas came from. With the best will in the world, my father had built up these high expectations, and I believed that it was essential to live up to them. Of course that wasn't the case. In my efforts to please everyone I was pleasing no-one, least of all myself.
So have yourself a Merry Little Christmas and don't let other peoples' Christmases get in the way of what is exactly right for you and your family.
- Jo Middlemiss is a personal Life Coach. She lives and works in Edzell. She can be contacted on (01356) 648 329.
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Friday 25 May 2012
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