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Life and death
I am in reflective mood this week, as January has already been such a mixed bag of emotions and experiences.
Ups and downs, and a realisation that if you throw yourself into life, it will never settle into an easy or predictable pattern.
On Boxing Day a very dear older friend of ours died. A fitter healthier 84 year old, you could never meet. He had an amazing life which started here at The Burn House, as the son of the chauffeur, but became a RAF rear gunner in the war, journalist and then a fabulous photographer, mountaineer and adventurer.
He was also a loving father and husband and a fantastic friend. His life was lived to the max, and he left it with a deep sigh in his own bed. We recently went to a memorial service, which I was a tremendous celebration of a life well spent.
We also recently went to an altogether different kind of farewell. You will have read about the tragic death of a mother and her two children on the road from Johnshaven to Montrose.
I knew the victims slightly, but had worked alongside the husband for two years, and also the family had been in our parish. Father High asked for volunteers to help with things in the church, so I went along to lend a hand.
The family were linked with so many things in Montrose that there was an enormous turn out from work, school, neighbours and friends. There was also a huge contingent from Ireland as the mother was from Dublin.
When I, and I am sure everyone else heard this news, I asked myself again and again, "How could anyone cope with this?" Where do you gain strength to even hear this news, never mind deal with the aftermath? The awful realisation of the truth and then the long slow process of dealing with a life that is totally altered for ever.
One night recently we had a friend staying, whose wife had recently died, so we spent much of that evening talking about loss and death, and separation, and getting on with the rest of your life, with a sad place in your heart. So I have to admit that my heart was a bit heavy setting off for St Margaret's Church on the Friday morning. The Church was packed and the hall was laid up as a secondary church, with screens for all the mourners and there were hundred and hundreds.
The sight of three coffins on the altar; one brown flanked by two little white ones, was unbelievably poignant, but also beautifully peaceful. The service proceeded and people sang and wept in equal measure.
Father High spoke brilliantly about life and death, and God, and love and courage. His mix of skill and humanity is a rare gift indeed. We had all wondered what we could do in such a circumstance and then Barry, the husband and father got up to speak. Hesitatingly to begin with, and then with unbelievable bravery, he made the most wonderful tribute of love and gratitude to his wife and children.
It was a transforming moment, because he did what none of us present could imagining doing ourselves. He stepped above his obvious heart aching sadness and said what he wanted to say, because he would never get the chance again. His life is altered for ever, but I should think he changed many lives that day with his inspiring words.
We all know that there are no answers to why this should happen to some and not others. Why are bright young lives ended, and dull or evil lives go on? Why are we deeply affected by an accident like this and barely notice when seventy thousand people are swept away in a flood or a landslide in Pakistan?
We'll never get the answers to these questions, so there really isn't much point in asking them. The only thing that we can do is to live out our own lives with a renewed appreciation for the life that we still have and to support and love people who are going through the draining and exhausting process of moving on.
• Jo Middlemiss is a personal life coach. She lives and works in Edzell and be contacted on (01356) 648 329.
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Weather for Brechin
Friday 25 May 2012
Today
Sunny
Temperature: 10 C to 14 C
Wind Speed: 8 mph
Wind direction: East
Tomorrow
Sunny
Temperature: 8 C to 15 C
Wind Speed: 12 mph
Wind direction: East
