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Love is in the air
WHAT a week this has been.
You all know how it is......life is going along in one of its quieter phases. Nothing too much is happening. The weather gets talked about. The news is listened to with half an ear. The dog gets walked. Food gets cooked and eaten, and the year moves on in its inevitable way. We are happy and we are grateful that not too much is rocking our boat. We needed a lull, and I was glad that the year was cruising gently to its close. Big mistake. It's a big mistake to ever think that you know what life has in store for you. One thing I have learned to trust this year is Divine Timing. We all think that things happen to our timing but I think that there is a more interesting planner at work.
Ten days ago we had a great family reunion planned. For once it was my husband's side of the family, a much rarer event than in my huge tribe. We had had such a plan made in August, but that was cancelled by the terrorist threat. We got over our disappointment and made a new plan. The new date was set for November 3rd-my husband's birthday. Our three boys were coming, so it really was going to be a great occasion. The day before the arrival, our youngest shared with us that he was about to get engaged to his delightful girl. We were as excited as could be and were on our way to the fridge for the champagne, when we were sworn to secrecy. We could not mention it until the prospective father- in- law had been asked! The weekend went well and we were true to our word, but it was hard. The grins were firmly in place all weekend though.
Number three son went off on Sunday morning to make his formal request. That evening I was driving No I son up to Aberdeen airport and he, completely independently, of his brother announced that he too was about to ask his gorgeous girl's father if he too could embark on married life with his daughter. Again I was sworn to secrecy. No blabbing until the deed was done.
By the time I got home I was bursting with this news. We still had people in the house. These were the people that we most wanted to tell first, but a promise is a promise and we stayed "schtum." By the ten o'clock the first bit of news was out and by Tuesday the second was in the public forum. It's amazing how much interest and joy is generated by this simple bit of news.
It helps that we are genuinely delighted. The boys have picked wonderful girls, who seem to have all the qualities that we would wish for them. There seems to be so much bad news nowadays. We have been overwhelmed by all the good wishes that have poured in since the double announcement this week. Pure pleasure and real happiness should be bottled and sold for they do the heart good.
We are not nave enough to think that this is the end of it. The future holds all sorts of ups and down for them and us. Our family is expanding in two directions towards people we do not yet know, although we have spoken on the phone. Three families inadvertently coming together. We will all have different ways of thinking and doing things. We will have to learn to communicate effectively, and compromise, and not be hurt if things don't go just according to our plan. We've all heard hundreds of mother- in- law jokes. I've always thought these rather cruel, but I've never had a mother-in-law and neither has my mother. So I'm just going to break into new territory for myself without any guidelines. I have got a plan, but that is for another article.
My mother, though, has been a fabulous mother-in-law, and I think that her secret has been to never interfere. She just keeps telling her sons and daughters in law that they are marvellous; not hard because they are marvellous. So that is definitely part of my plan. Imitation is the best form of flattery.
I read some fantastic advice for married couples yesterday, so I am going to pass it on to you now, whether you are about to get married or are old soldiers at the marital game.
It comes from Harry Benson who runs the Bristol Community Family Trust.
The advice is simple:
• S Scoring points against each other
• T Thinking the worst
• O Opting out
• P Putting each other down
I know that this advice probably strikes an "ouch" chord with some of us, but it's worth thinking about. If everyone put it into action, there would be lots of happier homes and you can't give your children a better gift than that.
- Jo Middlemiss is a personal life coach. She lives in Edzell and would be happy to hear from any readers of The Brechiner. jomiddlemiss@dreamzwork.co.uk (01356) 648329.
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Weather for Brechin
Wednesday 08 February 2012
Today
Sunny spells
Temperature: 1 C to 2 C
Wind Speed: 25 mph
Wind direction: South
Tomorrow
Light rain
Temperature: 3 C to 4 C
Wind Speed: 12 mph
Wind direction: South west
